Arranging the memorial gathering

What the memorial gathering is and who arranges it

At the memorial gathering, relatives and friends come together to remember the deceased after the blessing or the farewell ceremony. It has no official form and is not compulsory; most families hold one because the shared moment offers a chance for thanks, memories and mutual support. Planning and arranging the gathering is the family's responsibility, unlike the blessing, which the pastor leads. In practice the arrangements are often handled by a spouse, a child or another close person, and many hand the practical work to the funeral home. The pastor and cantor take part in the gathering if you wish: the pastor can lead it and the cantor can provide the music. We book the venue, order the catering, draw up the programme and the printed order, take registrations and dietary needs, and book performers if you wish. The same gathering can be arranged alongside a church funeral or a civil funeral.

Where the gathering is held

The choice of venue depends on the number of guests, the extent of the catering and how close to the blessing venue you want the room to be. For church members the parish hall is free of charge, and it is often next to the chapel or church. Our partner restaurants have private rooms and halls suited to memorial gatherings, and some are available without a separate room charge, so the cost consists of the catering alone. A home suits a small group of guests and feels closest to many. We are glad to advise which venue suits your number of guests.

• Parish hall: free for church members, often next to the chapel or church
• A partner restaurant's private room or hall: catering and venue from one place, some without a room charge
• Home: for a small group, catering by yourselves or from a caterer
• Another rented room: when there are many guests or the place has special meaning

Timing and length

The memorial gathering is usually held on the same day, straight after the blessing or farewell ceremony, so that the mourners move directly from the chapel or grave to the gathering. In Helsinki the blessing is usually held within 2 to 3 weeks of the death, Tuesday to Saturday, so the gathering falls in the same period. The typical length is 2 to 4 hours; it depends on the amount of speeches, music and catering. The afternoon is the most common time, and venues are usually readily available then. If the deceased is cremated without a blessing at the coffin, the gathering can be held at any later time, for example when the urn is lowered. When we book the blessing time, we book the gathering venue at the same time so that the transition runs without waiting.

Inviting guests

The invitation can be given in person, sent with the funeral invitation or announced in the newspaper death notice. It states the time, the place and any wishes for the guests, for example a request to register by a certain date or to mention dietary needs. If everyone attending the blessing is welcome at the gathering, the invitation can also be given at the grave or at the end of the blessing, when one of the family invites those present. Registrations are needed so that the catering can be ordered for the right number of people; we take them on your behalf and pass the numbers and dietary needs to the restaurant. How the death notice is written, including the invitation it carries, is covered in the guide on newspaper death notices and obituaries.

A model programme

The memorial gathering has no official form, but a ready structure makes it easier to run and tells the guests what happens next. Agree on the programme in advance: who opens the gathering, who speaks, who reads the condolence cards and who gives thanks at the end. Below is a common order that you can shorten or extend.

• Guests arrive and the gathering is opened
• Music: a hymn, a song or an instrumental piece
• A memorial speech or several short addresses
• Reading of condolence cards: selected ones aloud, the rest displayed on the memorial table
• Free memories shared by those close
• Photographs or a video montage from the deceased's life
• Refreshments and time together
• Words of thanks and closing

The memorial table, condolence cards and thanks

The memorial table is the centre of the gathering. It is laid with a white cloth, a candle, a photograph of the deceased and flowers; objects that mattered to the deceased can be displayed as well. The memorial table and candle are part of our service, and we bring them to the venue. The condolence cards and other messages received can be read aloud, usually after the memorial speech and before the refreshments; the reader is agreed in advance. Not every card has to be read: some can be left on the memorial table for guests to read, or the reading can be left out entirely, in which case one of the family thanks everyone for their sympathy. At the end, one of the family thanks the guests for coming. Some families also publish a thank-you notice in the newspaper or send a card to those who remembered the deceased. Note down who sent cards and flowers so that the thanks reach everyone.

Catering, presentation equipment and the printed programme

Memorial menus at our partner restaurants start from 29.90 euros per person. The options range from coffee and a sandwich cake to lunch and a three-course dinner, and dietary alternatives are available for every menu. Catering is ordered according to the number of registered guests, and the final number is confirmed to the restaurant by an agreed date. The partner venues have presentation equipment for showing photographs or a video montage of the deceased's life; we assemble the pictures into a presentation if you send them to us. A printed programme collects the order of the gathering, the music pieces and any motto or message of thanks, and can include a photograph of the deceased. We produce the programme to your wishes. The restaurant invoices the catering after the gathering, and the costs are deductible in the estate inventory.

What drives the cost

The price of the gathering depends above all on the number of guests and the level of catering. The venue can be free when it is a parish hall for a church member or a partner restaurant's private room without a room charge. The factors below are worth going through when you decide the size of the gathering; we give you a written estimate before anything is booked.

• Number of guests: catering from 29.90 euros per person
• Level of catering: from coffee to a three-course dinner
• Venue: parish hall free for members, some partner venues without a room charge, other rented rooms at their own rates
• Music: your own performer or the cantor; a professional musician invoices separately
• Flowers for the memorial table and any table flowers
• Printed programme and thank-you cards

If no gathering is held

A memorial gathering does not have to be held. Sometimes there are few relatives, strength is limited, or the deceased wished for a small funeral. Then the blessing or the farewell ceremony is enough as a goodbye. An option that suits many is a lunch or dinner for the closest circle at a restaurant straight after the blessing; we book the table and agree the menu for you. The gathering can also be held later, for example when the urn is lowered, so that relatives from far away can attend. If the deceased is cremated without a service at the coffin, a later gathering at home or at the grave is a natural way to remember. The decision can be made calmly; a few days are enough for the venue booking and catering.

What you can leave to us

You can leave the memorial gathering to us as a whole. We book the venue, agree the menu and dietary needs with the restaurant, take registrations, draw up the programme and the printed order, bring the memorial table and candle, assemble the photographs into a presentation and book performers. You decide the place, the level of catering, the speakers and what you want said about the deceased. Every choice, price and date is visible in the family's shared online space, where every relative sees the same information. Call 09 6129 890 or book a planning visit at Annankatu 12; the visit is free of charge. We also come to your home if needed, and we serve you in Finnish, Swedish and English.

Frequently asked questions